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8 / 75 Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com Knock! What is the difference between a teacher and a train? Why shouldn't you trust atoms? 259. What do you call a pig that does karate? Where do elephants store their clothes? It was ruff. Its called speedin.. Now get ready to make some memories filled with laughter with these 70 hilariously funny jokes! 214. 220. Why did the painting go to jail? Subscribe to Skip to my Lou to get new ideas delivered to your inbox. What do skateboarders do when theyre really talented? Tickle its balls. He was addicted to boos. 168. 85. Whats the best way to burn 1000 calories? A man takes his sick Chihuahua to the veterinarian. Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory? Batman! 126. I got help for my ATM addiction, but went through withdrawals first. The wiser fish greets the two as he passes, saying, "Morning, boys! What kind of tree fits in your hand? 267. What did the man get when he ran into a palm tree? Why don't cats tell stories? A can't opener. Everything I looked at. You know, there's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot. Foil again!. Then logically speaking you have a house. 244. When we stopped him and asked why he was doing that, he replied, "I was just trying to see how it tasted because my teacher said that the homework would be a piece of cake for me. "Let go of the branch", boomed the voice.There was a long pause, and the man shouted up again, "Is there anybody else up there? A one-liner is well and fine if you need a quick joke to brighten up the mood. 247. "The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much." Sneakers wont help you outrun that bear." Well, a variety of dizzyingly charming topics, for starters! ""I wasn't," he replied. I was going to tell a time traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it. You know what I saw today? They approach it and are amazed by the size of it. When they need to vent. They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. Two crows were in a field when they noticed a figure that looked like a man in the distance. A flat minor. You can change your preferences. 74. Shutterstock A New Jersey! An impasta. Did you hear about the polite clown? What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? A tomato in an elevator. 294. Why did the restaurant hire a pig? He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. 149. One of the hunters pushed forward, Hey, last year our pilot let us take out six elk. 23 Did you hear about the new 3 million dollar Tennessee State Lottery? Two redneck farmers are leaning over a farm gate when gorgeous girl pulls up in her Mercedes. Now I know I can handle the bad news. 133. A carrot! Chris James is black and has a British accent.Want to see more Stand Up Comedy? What do you call a pile of cats? What do you get when you mix a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a ghost? Where does the General keep his armies? Guac and roll! 135. 201. What did one horse say to the other? However, one smart flight attendant had an idea. What did one eye say to the other? What did Dory order from McDonalds? BANGBANG..BANG..BANG! A pie-thon! An iwitness. These food jokes are on little cards so you can put them in a lunch box. Lemon aid! Mercury is in Uranus right now. Hey Pandas, Who Was Your Favorite Black History Month Icon You Learned About This BHM? He pulled him over again. Two young salmon are swimming along one day. It was framed. "Patient: "Right around the entrance. Theyre immediately taken back to a room. I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. We have lots of holiday-specific jokes, too, including Christmas jokes, New Year's jokes, Thanksgiving jokes, Halloween jokes, Easter jokes, Father's Day jokes and Valentine's Day. Inside it is a genie who agrees to grant each friend one wish.I want to go home, says the first friend. Two dragons walk into a bar. Why do bees have sticky hair? But you need to wear these condoms to stop me from getting pregnant.". 209. To get to the bottom. 5 What did the grape say to the silly peanut butter? Funny Jokes for Kids 1. A gummy bear. Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill? What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race? With a cow-culator. Laugh more: Funny Money Jokes What do you call a bear with no teeth? You know that candy that has a funny joke printed on each wrapper. 241. 21 What are the only two seasons a Redneck can name? "Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself. 72. When the others asked him what the reason was for such sadness, the Kangaroo revealed that the rain meant that all its kids would now be playing inside. The drumstick. What do you call a wrestler who always comes in second place? The father answered: to get my daughter on birth control, Doc.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-leader-2','ezslot_13',620,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-leader-2-0'); Well, is your daughter sexually active?, asked the doctor. When he is talking to the Dean at the college, the Dean says to Jim: You will be taking 4 classes: English, Math, Science, and Logic. He ordered some. A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. Just take your pick! 136. razer blade 15 60hz vs 144hz. It lost its contacts. Check out more really funny you might be a redneck jokes that will make you laugh. 194. Whats the difference between a rabbit and a plum? I got rid of my vacuum. Dia-purrs! ", A fellow was walking along a country road when he came upon a farmer working in his field. Two crows were in a field when they noticed a figure that looked like a man in the distance. 138. 145. What lights up a soccer stadium? ( Golf Workout Program) 7) "Housework won't kill you. Never shies away from a deep conversation, never runs out of jokes. How do rabbits travel? Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor. Here are 125 funny jokes for kids that will make even the most serious adult smile. How do you make a tissue dance? 256. Because he was a little more on. They were quite successful in their venture and bagged six big bulls. Whats orange and sounds like a parrot? What are a sharks two most favorite words? Ketchup. 2. The reception was amazing. I wonder how deep it is., The second hunter says, I dont know, lets throw something down and listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom., The first hunter says, Theres this old pickup transmission here, give me a hand and well throw it in and see.. 114. Because the bed wont go to you! Last year you suggested Bahamas and darned if Earlene didnt get pregnant again., Dale asks Billy Bob, So, what you gonna do this year thats different?Im taking Earlene with me.. 291. Why cant male ants sink? How do you measure a snake? Soon, a Labrador walks in, sniffs the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Whats a potatos favorite form of transportation? Liked these funny redneck jokes? 289. At the North Pole. The bear catches up to him, knocks him down on the ground, then gets on its knees and says, "Dear Lord, thank you for this food I am about to receive". You're the father of twins. Gravi-TEA. We're closed!" Guess customers will have to go the DIY way. The Penultimate Warrior! Why did the nurse need a red pen at work? What do you call a bee that cant make up its mind? You mustang out with me. What is the center of gravity? Why did the Football Coach go to the bank? Wondering what is was for, he joined it. Whats red and bad for your teeth? A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. And today Im taking them to the beach. The 911 operator told him that she would send someone out right away. How can you tell its a dogwood tree? Studying the Miranda Rights. My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! Leave the pizza in the oven. Never mind, its over your head. 36. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was organizing his golfing equipment. 41. 63. "The other two continue to swim in silence for a little while, until the first one turns to the other and asks, "What the hell is water? Which superhero hits home runs? 157. Because you should never drink and derive. Why are pirates called pirates? Dj brew. The signature of a dad joke is that it's utterly uncool. I will never forget some of these, and you better believe my friends are hearing them. They turn around to see a goat come crashing through the brush, run up to the hole, and with no hesitation, jump in head first.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-narrow-sky-2','ezslot_21',627,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-narrow-sky-2-0'); While they are standing there looking at each other, looking in the hole, and trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer walks up. What do you call a crocodile wearing a vest? I aint never seen nuthinlike that in my entire life, I aint got no idear what it is.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-netboard-1','ezslot_22',625,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-netboard-1-0'); While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a large old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. 221. Curses! My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. Just lock him up in a gulag somewhere & accidentally on purpose lose the key to his holding cell. The food is presented to him and after a while, the critic calls the owner to say that there is something missing in his bowl of soup. Three rednecks are drinking beer at a bar. Seeing the historians alarmed, the mummy said that he just wanted to listen to some music. "I dont need to outrun the bear", the first guy says. Right where you left him. Print them off for free! A: Control Freak. 227. Why wouldnt the shrimp share his treasure? These jokes may be corny, but that doesn't mean they won't make you laugh. 177. The coach replied, "You're standing too close to the ball after you've hit it.". The first guy drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. Im really good at sleeping. A father-in-law. "A nurse says to the second guy, "Congratulations! An impasta. He got fired. 127. What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? Why waste perfectly good fuel on a tyrant? ", cried the man. @hotmail.com: You still think that MySpace is hip. 1. 78. It saw the salad dressing. Which bus never drove on any street? The man asked the barber to give his son a haircut while he shopped for groceries nearby. As they stand there listening and looking over the edge, they hear a rustling in the brush behind them. Where do birds invest their money? Nothing. Did you hear the one about the dull pencil? Laugh at 25 really funny redneck jokes. He's demanding 10 million rubles, or he'll douse Putin in petrol and set him on fire. Disgusted by the fact, all of us complained immediately. 295. The mosquito replied, "Yeah, I know. 97. So, the wife and I were in town shopping And as we came out of a store, three girls aged between 18 and 20 walked by, wearing tiny cropped tops and short short skirts. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long? Whats the most famous fish? The first hunter says, Wow, thats some hole; I cant even see the bottom. In my neighborhood, there was a couple who had given their twin sons very weird names. Two pickles fell out of a jar onto the floor.. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. We want you to allow us to fly out just like last year. In fact I could still hear her sobbing as I wheeled her up the ramp into the next store. ", This is the type of kid who will become a powerful investor or banker someday! That hit the spot. 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A Russian truckdriver stops at the back of a long queue on the motorway. The neighbour says, "Well actually the seat belongs to me. In a hambulance. ""Thank you. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. I can even do it with my eyes closed. He has actually become quite famous and when a TV crew interviewed about the reason behind this ability, the skeleton finally disclosed his secret: he could feel the bad vibes in his bones. Look at the size of that bird, Paw! she exclaims. What's a cat's favorite dessert? ""That's weird," answers the second man. After 5 long years of studying, a student comes rushing into Einstein's office shouting"Sir, Sir, I finally understand your theory of Special Relativity!